Someday

Someday I'll travel to the places in this world that call to me. Ireland. The Pacific Northwest. Italy. Greece. France. The Southern and the East coasts of America. The Caribbean. India.

Someday.

Sometimes, especially lately, I fear that my time may come and go before I get to this Someday. It is a sickening fear. I am 42 years old and still at the mercy of an economy that seems damned beyond repair. I have provided a decent life for my son and myself, it is still far from being what he deserves, and there is nothing to guarantee a better future, despite my efforts to work and work and continue my education. I've made decisions that I believe were the best I could make at the times they were made, yet I never manage to get ahead for us. I do not care much for feeling sorry for myself and will continue to try to move forward and upward as much as I can.

Still, I fear for my Somedays.

I must go to Ireland. I know not why. I have no proof of lineage there, nor disproof of it. But it calls to me and stirs a longing that I can not explain. I feel that if there is any place in this world that is my spiritual home, it is Ireland. I do not want to leave this world never having at least seen it. But if I do, I must ensure that there is someone I can trust to get my ashes there.

I've barely traveled within my own country. At my age it is ridiculous, but true, that I have been no where in this world. The wooded coastlines of Oregon and Washington are painfully intriguing to me, yet seem impossibly far away. Even to drive the coastal roads of the South and move on up the East coast is a delight I've longed a lifetime for.

There is a world of beauty and wonder and nature and life out there that I yearn for. The gypsy longings I have suppressed for the majority of my life become ever more clamoring. Will I ever understand my beliefs? my spirituality? my soul?

Will I ever know the peace of touching, seeing, feeling, and breathing in these places that call me? To think that I may not makes it almost impossible to breathe and think.

Someday. Oh, please....Someday.



~Tangled